I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
there is glitter all over my balls
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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