don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
