here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize