so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I look better un-naked...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
