he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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