Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
