You just made me feel so damn special
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
