she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
