Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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