Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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