do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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