The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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