Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
