the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
