i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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