no, he came in my armpit
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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