If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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