Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
