So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
