It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
