i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
