You're my little dorito
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize