Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
