just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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