Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
