Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
