we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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