I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize