Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
