Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
