need another drink. this is the easiest way
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
