someone get that fucking seahorse.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I have tasted many bathrooms
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
