Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
