remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
