Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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