Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
