Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
