mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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