Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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