so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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