so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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