Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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