I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
