im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
