what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
