you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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