Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
