We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
