Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
