Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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