So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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