C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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