You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
