We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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