She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
