Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
