they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
