Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Randomize
