I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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