My sheets look like a crime scene.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
