You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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