You're completely useless in the revolution.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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