U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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