If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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