If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
