Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize