isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My life is pants optional.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
