4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
