i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
