I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
