She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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