her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
