Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize