dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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