Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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