yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
