cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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