even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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