She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just cut my nipple shaving
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
