I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
