About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
