So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
