it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
