I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
