It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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