I'm jealous of your bromance
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
