Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The power of my boobs compel you
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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