I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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