Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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