He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
be right there i have to get my cape
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just gargled with NyQuil
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
