Yo dont text me then not text me
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
