Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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