I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
