i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
