i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
