so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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