I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
