I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize