Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
